- Again..........!

As a lighting bolt it appeared
So coincidental - So unexpected
It seemed
Perhaps by chance
But with gentle help from the angels

I see
It was all I needed
It was precisely what I was missing
My life showed signs of self-absorption
And vanity

I sensed
My thoughts and actions
I took control of the outcome
It ended before it begun
My head was in a spin

I heard
The hush and I felt the quiet
As it was a racket in my ears
I pressed too hard
My need is still too great

I am thinking
Motives were hidden
Reasons were justified with detailed descriptions
But the truth was hidden
Until it revealed itself

I feel
I concealed for myself what I refused to see
I could not bear to make my thoughts a reality
I feared a depressing outcome
And I am so tired of this

I taste
The loss once again - the cold and oily metal taste
I see clearly now - I feel the answer
That proves once again - I am not ready for this
When will I learn?

I weep
The struggle is over
I wander alone as is best
To the end of this world
With the knowledge that hurts

I remain silent
My feelings of joy were unmatched
And the utter happiness of our coincidental meeting
Slowly dies
The flame goes out

I see you still
Returning to me - In my dreams
Pure fantasies
False expectations
Never met or fulfilled

I am grateful for what I have
Right here - right now
Because I am alive - I am sober
No energy remains
To agonize over
What could, should and would have been
Or once was
Because I am enough